Secret time. Get ready, here’s the bombshell… I’ve not always been a backstage dweller. For a short time in my youth, I quite enjoyed heading out onto the stage. If you read my welcome blog, you’ll know about my much praised performance as the Grumpy Sheep in my school’s Christmas play. But there’s more…
*Disclaimer: Please bear in mind that this is a bit of fun – I’m not claiming to be the next Elaine Page.
The Grumpy Sheep in The Very Grumpy Sheep
I believe a major feature of this role was grumpily (grumpily) folding my arms, stomping my hoof and declaring “I want to be left alone!” It was a life changing role, and the motto “I just want to be left alone” has followed me like a shadow ever since.
The Flower Witch in The Snow Queen
Clearly someone recognised my star turn as the grumpiest sheep in all of Bingley, because I was somewhat typecast as the scheming old flower bitch who tries to drug Gerda and erase her memories. When it doesn’t work out, I remember my signature stomping becoming a feature of that role, too.
Mrs Potts in Beauty and The Beast
Clearly not quite beautiful enough to play the title role, I was dunked into a gross grey wig and a tin-foil covered cut out of a teapot for this next role. I distinctly remember actually crying at the prospect of donning a grey wig, but not having the balls to just take it off. Not my finest hour.
Fun fact: The kid to the right of the clock is Luke Friend, from X Factor fame!
Gabriella in High School Musical
I wore a dress that covered my pocket, which I was used to fiddling with as a safety blanket. As a result, I look like I’m fiddling with my knickers the whole time. It was probably my most enjoyable role, however, as I got to play a nice super nerd who isn’t grumpy once.
Narrator in Joseph
One of four Narrators, but still. I don’t need to tell you lovely folk why Joseph is the best musical ever, so it was literally a dream come true to be able to take part in this musical. I was just gutted that couldn’t be my life all day every day.
Mary in Rock Nativity
We’re continuing the religious theme here with my Holier Than Thou performance as the Virgin Mary. I had a rotten cold and a screaming live baby to have to pretend I loved. I was thirteen, for crying out loud, maternal instincts are decades away! Safe to say I pretty much hated that kid by the end of the run, and swiftly became an atheist.
(One of the angels) Anything Goes
Fun fact: TWELVE YEARS OLD. My poor parents had to sit through that production, watching me grind and slut drop to Cole Porter. Disgraceful.
Jess in Amazing Grace
Okay, this was quite good fun. Mainly because I was 22 years old, part of a friend’s play with another load of friends playing the supporting cast. In what was most definitely a family affair, Amazing Grace was actually a lot of fun.
Do you simply have to cast me in your next play?